old age

The “Village” is Disintegrating

/ elizabeth-calder / Leave a comment

It Takes a Village was the catchphrase in the late 1990’s. According to Wikipedia, it proclaimed a vision for the children of America mainly focused on education. The tenet was simple. For better or worse, individuals and groups outside the family impact a child’s well being and that society should meet children’s needs. The vision, an admirable goal, had and still has chinks IMHO, but that is not the issue.

The “Village” is theoretically comprised of not only children but of young adults, mature and elderly.  The picture isn’t as pretty for those at the other end of the spectrum.

Recently, I had a distressing conversation with a physician’s wife. Her husband had scheduled major surgery for a patient who had been under his care for a number of years. This was no ordinary procedure but a life saving operation. The next day,  he was stunned to learn this patient had contacted the office and cancelled. He, of course, returned the call as soon as possible and asked why? Why would she cancel when the procedure was crucial?

The answer literally broke his heart.

She had no way to return home afterward.

She explained that her husband had passed over a year ago. Her children lived out of state and couldn’t return at that time and her neighbor, the only one she could think of, was under the weather. There was no one to drive her home.

How sad that our lives seem to revolve around smartphones, ridiculous sitcoms and communication today consists of texting instead of face to face conversations. How utterly grim to learn that an elderly woman would call off a life altering procedure simply because she had no one to call.

My fervent hope is this is not the norm but a sad singular situation…that most respect those who have achieved those “golden years”. Stories such as these always remind me of a particular epigram.

“As you are…so was I.  As I am….so shall you be.”

There is a wonderful conclusion to this story. Not only did the physician drive the patient home, his wife cooked several days of food for the patient. Now that’s the definition of a hopeful village.

The True Definition of Perfection

/ elizabeth-calder / 5 Comments

In response to  DAILY PROMPT   https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/perfection/ 

They sat together as they had for years, tucked away in their booth, out of the way from the hustle and bustle of the kitchen. Close enough to watch the fascinating dance of waiters carrying well balanced food trays weaving between tables covered with white linen cloths.

Slowly, he reached across to grasp her hand in a loving gesture of perfect harmony. He felt the softness of her skin and rubbed his thumb over the familiar simple gold wedding ring. A perfect moment where the din of the banging cutlery and china faded into silence. It was their anniversary and here, they could have their own miniature celebration before joining friends later that evening.

For those sitting nearby, their display of perfect affection drew slow smiles of appreciation and yet those witnesses probably didn’t comprehend the thoughts behind the value of perfection.

Perfection to him didn’t mean flawless or a fashion magazine’s interpretation of ideal beauty. No. As he caressed her hand, he could feel the soft skin dotted with well earned age spots and permanent creases. Cerulean blue eyes met his gaze…ones that had seen much edged with radiating crow’s feet signifying decades of laughter and joy. Lines from the corners of her eyes showed where life’s tragic events created a path for tears. Together, they had survived life’s struggles, family tragedy and experienced the most joyous moments life has to offer. When he looked at her, he saw imperfect perfection. The silver hair, the glasses, the soft lines of living and the knowledge that together they had weathered the good and the bad. In sadness, they had discovered  strength. In happiness, they had experienced inner peace. In frustration, they had learned the importance of patience. Ultimately, their imperfect life was perfect.